Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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