i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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