What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
