I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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