We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
