Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
