its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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