do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
