Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
