I will die if light touches me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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