worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
