so that wasnt chicken after all
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
