i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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