Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
