im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
