Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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