saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Holy shit dude........stairs
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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