I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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