i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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