you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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