yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
