Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
