why do cheetos always look like penises
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
