My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
