tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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