A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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