Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
