I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
