and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
how drunk are you?
Several
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
