What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
