how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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