writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
