Plan B is the new Plan A
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
