I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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