I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
