just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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