This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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