a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
COCAINE IS GR8
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
