I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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