he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
