help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
