Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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