Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
