im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
