Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Come on in and take your pants off
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