question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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