I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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