On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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