I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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