Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
