You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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