he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
