im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
