Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
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I feel like a drive thru vagina
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Enjoy the penises
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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