remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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