theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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