Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
