Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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