I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
