was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
