all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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