He is an equal opportunity slut.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
