Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
