Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
