woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
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In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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