I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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