It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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