Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
