Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
