Got a toothbrush?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
