I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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